Sunday Scribbles: Enough

Happy March!

While last month was the shortest of the year it definitely felt long. However, I want to thank everyone for over 200 page views on this blog, over 100 new followers on my twitter, over 50 on my Instagram, and over 30 on my Facebook. In order to celebrate that I want to share a new poem that I wrote. February is usually a month full of love and happiness thanks to Valentines Day. I am fortunate that I get to spend it with a woman that I love more than words on a screen can express. However, not everyone has someone to spend that time with. Some by choice, some not. This is for those whose choice it's not.

Enough
I know sticks and stones may
break my bones but fuck you because
words
hurt
too.

Words like "I love you"
"I miss you"
"I'm sorry but you made me do it"
"If you didn't [this], then I wouldn't [that]".

Lies.
Lies are what those are and it's
Lies that hurt.
Lies tell me that you don't respect me enough to tell me the truth.
That you think I'm dumb enough to believe you and
That I'm dumb enough to stay with your sorry ass.

I might be.
I might stay with you for now or
Take you back a second, third, fourth, and fifth time.
But you can only hurt me so much.

You can only break me so much before I am broken.
No. Before I am beyond broken.
Before the woman you once knew is nothing more than
Fragments of the shell of a human being
That too have been crushed into obliteration and
Spread so thin that I've lost parts of me
That I will never get back.

And then what?
You keep living your life, find some new chick
to make your marionette and weather your abuse,
believe your lies and I'm just supposed to what?
Cry?
Well, duh. I mean, isn't that what you do when you are hurt?

So, I will cry.
I will cry until every piece of you that is still
a part of me is gone, and you know why?
Because enough drops from the ocean pieces back together the sand.
Enough particles of air can produce rain, sleet, and snow.
So maybe, just maybe, if I cry enough tears
I can cry myself back into being whole.
2/24/15

~Tea

Sunday Scribbles: A Winter Nightmare

** This was written either my freshman or sophomore year of college. I believe the prompt was to write a brief scenario about waking up and being cold and finding out that there is no heat. Enjoy! **

Waking up was nearly impossible. My Eyelashes were dusted with individual icicles, my breath frozen in my lungs, and my blood chilled in my veins. I struggled to sit up. I attempted to open my car door and it wouldn’t move. Apparently the temperature had dropped so drastically after the storm last night that my car had frozen solid. Shivering did no good. A cold body trapped in a makeshift igloo, moving swiftly in the freezing air was a fail. I brought my knees to my chest under my shirt and hugged them with my arms that were awaiting them, hoping this might help me preserve any body heat I had left. I covered myself with my jacket, which felt more like a blanket of snow. Even my nose hairs had ice on them. I closed my eyes and imagined this must be how Eskimos who went streaking felt.

My internal body temperature was still around ice cube status. I closed my eyes and waited for the sun to rise and hopefully thaw out my day. Until then I sat in fetal position trying not to fall back asleep for fear of my life freezing away on this harsh February morning.

**Sorry so short, the prompt was to be brief and we only had 15 minutes or so. Everybody reading from the Northeast stay warm!  These snow storms are no joke. Don't forget about my Poetry Challenge . Let me know if you're joining along. Talk to y'all real soon :) **

~Tea

Sunday Scribbles: Operation Write Every Day

Welcome to my first entry for my Sunday Scribbles. As some of you may know, I have been writing poetry ever since I could hold a crayon in my hand and make letters on paper (or the walls...sorry Mom.) So for my entry into my Sunday posts, I have decided to do a writing challenge.

I have been having a horrible case of writers block lately. I don't actually think I have written a complete poem since 2015 began. While scrolling Instagram I came across this page @mads.words where she writes in a little notebook, numbers them, and then posts pictures online. I thought it was a great idea so I decided to do the same and challenge myself to write something everyday. I may not post what I write everyday, but as long as I'm writing, it's a start.

I'm sharing this with you so if you want to join along you can. All you will need is a simple notebook (I got mine from Forever 21) and whatever your chosen writing utensil is (I fancy Pentel RSVP in medium).

Once you have that, simply open to the first page, number it and start writing. The beautiful thing about this challenge is that you can write whatever you want to. It can be a quote, a sentence that is stuck in your head, part of a poem, random thoughts, whatever you want as long as you are writing something. Write from your heart. You can never go wrong doing that. If you mess up (as you will see I did below) just scratch it out and keep going. Nobody is perfect, I don't even try to be.

The Challenge will run from now, Feb 15th, through March 31st. Share this with all of your friends and writing buddies. I want to get as many people's creative juices flowing as possible and hopefully together we can all create something beautiful. If you want to share your entries with me on Instagram or Twitter use the hashtag #TeasPoetryChallenge so I can read them and follow you. I'll be back next Sunday with some more of my writing. In the mean time, follow my twitter or instagram (linked above) to see some of my daily writings and to share motivation tips and keep each other going.

Here is my first post that was written literally 20 minutes ago.

Remember, if you join me and share your posts, use the hashtag #TeasPoetryChallenge so I can read your work as well. Comment below if you're excited for the challenge! I'll talk to you all soon. 

~Tea

Wednesday Wisdom: Use the Storm to Prepare for the Sun

In The midst of a Storm

How in the world did it become February already? January completely flew by and this being a short month I’m sure will go by even faster. That being said, let me get right into my Wednesday Wisdom post.

I had planned a bunch of posts for last week but then life through me a curve ball. Then it through another, and another, and eventually I felt like I had completely struck out all in a matter of 24 hours. Normally I keep it all together but a person can only handle so much.

I have a two-part philosophy for times like this. Whenever something happens in your life you should first allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you have and then figure out what to do next. There is a time and place for those emotions to come out but holding them in will only make matters worse. I journal, exercise, do yoga, talk to friends, family, my girlfriend, gorge out on food, whatever I have to productively get my emotions out, I do it.

So after calling my parents and talking to them and talking to V and my friends I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders and was ready for the next part of my philosophy, which is “What’s next?”

Now this part is tricky because usually the “What’s Next?” phase happens a day or two after life falls apart and a lot of emotions are still fresh. But, you have to think about all the things you can be accomplishing in the time that you are essentially in the “eye of the storm”. What lessons can be learned from your situation and how can you take those lessons and channel them in a positive and productive way?

My first ever tattoo was a symbol for “Fate”. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and we don’t always know what that reason is when it’s happening. However, using that time when all you want to do is lay on the couch for a week and eat strawberry cheesecake ice cream and watch musicals and Broadway plays to instead make a change and make plans for what’s coming next is essential.

Being in the eye of a storm means you know there is more to potentially come your way. But by preparing for what is to come next and then preparing for what is to come once the storm passes (and it always passes), you have not only helped get yourself out of a rut but also now you are two steps ahead of the game.

There are 4 questions I ask myself to help prepare for sun when I’m still in the midst of a storm:

1.      What exactly is happening/has happened?
2.      What lesson(s) can I take from this?
3.      How can I apply those lessons to my life going forward?
4.      What do I WANT to do next?

It’s usual to feel down and drained after any storm in your life. It’s important, however, to make sure that whatever comes next is something you want to happen and something that will make you happy. It’s never a good idea to leave one negative situation and put yourself right back into another. But by sitting down and thinking about those four questions and answering them honestly and truthfully for yourself, I promise that when the sun comes out you will be ready to go and better than ever.

Let me know how you all overcome bumps in the road, hardships, or just unexpected bad news in your life and what you do to make yourself feel better. (Does anyone else like musicals and Broadway plays? If so tell me your faves below so I can check them out)

Talk to yall soon,

Literally an hour later

~Tea

Wednesday Wisdom: Don't Stress What You Can't Change!

 

You know how people say “Learn from my mistakes”? Well that’s what this is. I’ll share some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way so hopefully others can learn from them. I may only be 25 but I like to think I’ve lived a lot for my age. 

 

Today’s Lesson Learned: 

 

Don’t stress over things that you can’t change!

 

As with any life lesson, this is 100% easier said than done. You oversleep and start to panic about being late to work/class. You hit submit on an assignment and then you realize that you forgot to add something in one of the paragraphs. Perhaps while trying to make a joke you wind up offending your partner or friend. You have that initial moment of screaming four-letter words silently to yourself. You’re panicked. You’re in flight-or-fight mode. 

 

Now what? 

 

The thing that helps me take a deep breath and relax is to think of the saying “Shit happens.” I once had an undergrad philosophy professor base his entire syllabus around this saying. Essentially, there are some things that one just can’t control or change. 

 

If you’ve already turned your assignment in, it’s done. You can’t un-turn it in. If you oversleep you can’t magically add those minutes back. If you offend someone, you can’t un-speak those words or undo those actions. Stressing over those things leads to “what ifs”.

 

Why worry about “what ifs”? The stress will get you nowhere (Trust me, I know). Instead of worrying about what may happen or what could happen try these things: 

 

If something has already happened: 

·         Try to figure out what was the reason that this happened. Was it something you forgot? Was it a technical error? Did you forget something was a sensitive topic for someone?

·         Think about how you can prevent this from happening again in the future. 

·         If you realize you’re going to be late, let someone know ASAP.

·         If you’ve already submitted an assignment, consider emailing the professor (this won’t work with every professor but usually ones who don’t mind will let you know up front their leniency policy).

 

If something is going to happen:

·         Figure out what you think may happen and why.

·         Is there anything you can do to prepare for this? Can you alert anyone? Do you need to get anything documented (doctors note etc.).

·         Mentally prepare yourself for any consequences. 

 

Nobody is perfect so why waste time trying to be? We are all human. We all make mistakes. That being said, there are always consequences for our actions. All we can do is try our best and own up to when we mess up and accept whatever consequences come our way. Besides, I heard a rumor that stress gives you wrinkles and who wants to accidentally create those? :)

 

~Tea

 

 

Why I stopped writing...

When I stopped allowing myself to truly feel my emotions is when I stopped writing. I've never liked to open up to people because I felt like a burden, so I held everything in and journaled. I would pour my soul onto paper night after night and feel so refreshed. No emotion, no event, no conversation was left unchronicled. 

Over the years I've had my journals read by people close to me (both accidentally and on purpose) and used against me. That created an anxiety towards something that once helped to rid me of my anxiety. Even recently I would collect journals but rarely write because I was afraid that someone would read them. I was afraid they would judge me or react to my emotions negatively.

I'm done.

No more anxiety. No more fear. No more withholding. No more writers block. No more caring-what-someone-may-think-IF-they-ever-saw it.  

Writing is for me. Writing keeps me (mostly) sane. Writing is what I love and crave. 

So I will write. 

I will write and write and write until my fingers fall off or I fill up all of my journals and can't find anymore. I won't be anxious and I won't hold back. This is my life. If you want me to write nice things about you then act accordingly. 

If anyone else has been feeling this way, even if your outlet isn't writing, don't stop! Express yourself. Write, draw, paint, sing, dance, do sudoku or take photographs. Whatever you love to do to relieve stress, DO IT! 

How do you relieve your stress? Comment below and let me know.

~Tea

Her

Do you ever feel like nothing you do or

Say will ever be enough?

Like you will never be

Smart enough, articulate enough,

Cultured enough, considerate enough,

Just plain enough...

What if there was some one out there

Who made you feel like you are enough?
One day she came along and
Changed everything...changed you.

Her gaze said "You are pretty enough".

Her laugh said "You are funny enough".

Her side eye said "You are sarcastic enough"

Without crossing any lines.

She slowly began to break down your

Walls and eradicate your inhibitions. 

General laughter became inside jokes 

And terrible, "y'all make me sick" pet names.

Friendly, "Hello. How was your day?"

Became "OMG I'm having a melt down"

And being each other's Iyanla.

You can't quite remember the day that

You began to fall for her. 

All you know is that you fell.
You fell hard and fast without ever looking back
And learned what it truly meant to love her.

Every smile, every look, every

Dimple and every freckle, 

You

      Love

              Her.

With her you finally are

Enough.

10.16.14

12:30am

Dedicated to V ❤️

~Tea