Some say that we choose our emotions. But what happens when you can't? Imagine not being in control of yourself both mentally and physically.
Your heart pounds so hard and fast that you think it may explode.
Your breath gets caught in your throat choking your words along with it.
You feel hot, flustered even, as your eyes begin to water.
With all of your might you try to fight it but the feeling is overwhelmingly too strong. Still, you tell yourself that you are stronger than this; that you can fight this.
You are wrong.
Your palms get sweaty and begin to shake.
Tears pour from your eyes like the emotions you unintentionally kept bottled up for so long.
Your knees give out as you collapse to the floor, a prisoner of your own mind.
Just breathe, you tell yourself.
You are used to dealing with this by now. You draw slow, deep, meditative breaths. Minutes pass and you stand up and attempt to shake the anxiety from your palms. You pace back and forth struggling to catch your breath and return your heartbeat to a normal rate. You wipe the tears from your face with one of your last deep exhales. Walking over to the mirror you look at yourself. Your eyelids are as blood shot as your eyes. Though a little red and swollen, you sigh a sigh of relief.
I'm okay. The worst is over now.
Your thoughts race to unscramble themselves. The residual anxiety will pass in due time. You will be okay. You always are. You give yourself no choice BUT to be okay.
You will not let this control you.
You will not let this consume you.
You will not let this scare you and
You will not let this win.
You will not sit by and be a prisoner of your own mind.
You didn't choose to have this problem, but you do. You know how to handle it, so handle it. Cast out every ounce of negativity and doubt from your mind. Tell yourself that you ARE enough, because you are. You are NOT your disorder. Don't let it define you.
I don't.
~Tea
