Sunday Scribbles: Enough

Happy March!

While last month was the shortest of the year it definitely felt long. However, I want to thank everyone for over 200 page views on this blog, over 100 new followers on my twitter, over 50 on my Instagram, and over 30 on my Facebook. In order to celebrate that I want to share a new poem that I wrote. February is usually a month full of love and happiness thanks to Valentines Day. I am fortunate that I get to spend it with a woman that I love more than words on a screen can express. However, not everyone has someone to spend that time with. Some by choice, some not. This is for those whose choice it's not.

Enough
I know sticks and stones may
break my bones but fuck you because
words
hurt
too.

Words like "I love you"
"I miss you"
"I'm sorry but you made me do it"
"If you didn't [this], then I wouldn't [that]".

Lies.
Lies are what those are and it's
Lies that hurt.
Lies tell me that you don't respect me enough to tell me the truth.
That you think I'm dumb enough to believe you and
That I'm dumb enough to stay with your sorry ass.

I might be.
I might stay with you for now or
Take you back a second, third, fourth, and fifth time.
But you can only hurt me so much.

You can only break me so much before I am broken.
No. Before I am beyond broken.
Before the woman you once knew is nothing more than
Fragments of the shell of a human being
That too have been crushed into obliteration and
Spread so thin that I've lost parts of me
That I will never get back.

And then what?
You keep living your life, find some new chick
to make your marionette and weather your abuse,
believe your lies and I'm just supposed to what?
Cry?
Well, duh. I mean, isn't that what you do when you are hurt?

So, I will cry.
I will cry until every piece of you that is still
a part of me is gone, and you know why?
Because enough drops from the ocean pieces back together the sand.
Enough particles of air can produce rain, sleet, and snow.
So maybe, just maybe, if I cry enough tears
I can cry myself back into being whole.
2/24/15

~Tea

Wednesday Wisdom: Use the Storm to Prepare for the Sun

In The midst of a Storm

How in the world did it become February already? January completely flew by and this being a short month I’m sure will go by even faster. That being said, let me get right into my Wednesday Wisdom post.

I had planned a bunch of posts for last week but then life through me a curve ball. Then it through another, and another, and eventually I felt like I had completely struck out all in a matter of 24 hours. Normally I keep it all together but a person can only handle so much.

I have a two-part philosophy for times like this. Whenever something happens in your life you should first allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you have and then figure out what to do next. There is a time and place for those emotions to come out but holding them in will only make matters worse. I journal, exercise, do yoga, talk to friends, family, my girlfriend, gorge out on food, whatever I have to productively get my emotions out, I do it.

So after calling my parents and talking to them and talking to V and my friends I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders and was ready for the next part of my philosophy, which is “What’s next?”

Now this part is tricky because usually the “What’s Next?” phase happens a day or two after life falls apart and a lot of emotions are still fresh. But, you have to think about all the things you can be accomplishing in the time that you are essentially in the “eye of the storm”. What lessons can be learned from your situation and how can you take those lessons and channel them in a positive and productive way?

My first ever tattoo was a symbol for “Fate”. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and we don’t always know what that reason is when it’s happening. However, using that time when all you want to do is lay on the couch for a week and eat strawberry cheesecake ice cream and watch musicals and Broadway plays to instead make a change and make plans for what’s coming next is essential.

Being in the eye of a storm means you know there is more to potentially come your way. But by preparing for what is to come next and then preparing for what is to come once the storm passes (and it always passes), you have not only helped get yourself out of a rut but also now you are two steps ahead of the game.

There are 4 questions I ask myself to help prepare for sun when I’m still in the midst of a storm:

1.      What exactly is happening/has happened?
2.      What lesson(s) can I take from this?
3.      How can I apply those lessons to my life going forward?
4.      What do I WANT to do next?

It’s usual to feel down and drained after any storm in your life. It’s important, however, to make sure that whatever comes next is something you want to happen and something that will make you happy. It’s never a good idea to leave one negative situation and put yourself right back into another. But by sitting down and thinking about those four questions and answering them honestly and truthfully for yourself, I promise that when the sun comes out you will be ready to go and better than ever.

Let me know how you all overcome bumps in the road, hardships, or just unexpected bad news in your life and what you do to make yourself feel better. (Does anyone else like musicals and Broadway plays? If so tell me your faves below so I can check them out)

Talk to yall soon,

Literally an hour later

~Tea