Those Moments

In my most quiet of moments
it is your voice that speaks
your touch that engulfs me
and your love that adorns me.

It is in the heart of those moments
that I feel...peace.
All of my stressors and triggers
evade my mind.
No negativity can penetrate
the power of those moments
and return my thoughts to their
original dark state.

It is in the heart of those moments
that I feel...safe.
I can do anything
become anything
and know that if I ever falter or fall
you will always be there
to pick me up, nurse my wounds
and encourage me to try again.

It is in the heart of those moments
if only for a moment
when in the private comfort
of my own mental safe haven
I feel...
Happy.

~Tea

What Have I Been Up To?

You may be wondering where have I been, or you may have not even noticed that I have been absent. Either way, I’M BACK! Also, I do have a new URL and layout. A lot of things in my life are changing and I want my blog to reflect those changes. That being said, there will be a slight redirect to the overall theme of my blog. It’s going to be more lifestyle/life lessons and about me being 24 years old, moving from just outside of  Washington DC into the actual city, and living life. I’ll still share my writings from time-to-time, so no worries in that department.

One of the biggest changes recently was me getting a new job. The first year after graduating college is always the hardest in terms of figuring out what would be a good professional fit between college and grad school. Your 20’s are for exploring life, finding yourself, what makes you happy, and what you want to spend the rest of your life doing. I don’t have it fully figured out yet but I’m getting there. Accepting a job in the city was only the first step.

Speaking of steps, I GOT ACCEPTED INTO GRADUATE SCHOOL! After months of preparations and waiting everything has come together. The waiting process felt never ending. Now accepted it’s only a matter of “Is this the right decision for the rest of my life”? Grad school is the next step in having a career which will define what I do with my life until I retire. It’s a stressful decision to make, but I’m confident that I made the right one.

With all of this change happening, I’m also going to be moving next month. There are so many opportunities for employment and internships in the city that it seems like a natural move for me to make right now. The further I move from my birth state the more I learn that home is truly wherever I decide to make it.

My first summer in the city is sure to be filled with some unforgettable moments that I will be sure to share. Before getting settled in the city, however, I’m making a trip back to my home state for a much needed vacation. I’m from a little country town on the panhandle of Florida, but I’ll be traveling to the typical tourist spots for a change and then packing up and moving to D.C. I’ll still be living below the Mason Dixon line but having lived in the deep south for majority of my life, the Nation’s Capital isn’t exactly "southern" to me. None-the-less, I’m definitely ready bring some southern sunshine to the Capital City! Until Next time,

~Tea

Don't let it define you

Some say that we choose our emotions. But what happens when you can't? Imagine not being in control of yourself both mentally and physically.

Your heart pounds so hard and fast that you think it may explode.

Your breath gets caught in your throat choking your words along with it.

You feel hot, flustered even, as your eyes begin to water.

With all of your might you try to fight it but the feeling is overwhelmingly too strong. Still, you tell yourself that you are stronger than this; that you can fight this.

You are wrong.

Your palms get sweaty and begin to shake.

Tears pour from your eyes like the emotions you unintentionally kept bottled up for so long.

Your knees give out as you collapse to the floor, a prisoner of your own mind.

Just breathe, you tell yourself.

You are used to dealing with this by now. You draw slow, deep, meditative breaths.  Minutes pass and you stand up and attempt to shake the anxiety from your palms. You pace back and forth struggling to catch your breath and return your heartbeat to a normal rate. You wipe the tears from your face with one of your last deep exhales. Walking over to the mirror you look at yourself. Your eyelids are as blood shot as your eyes. Though a little red and swollen, you sigh a sigh of relief.

I'm okay. The worst is over now.

Your thoughts race to unscramble themselves. The residual anxiety will pass in due time. You will be okay. You always are. You give yourself no choice BUT to be okay.

You will not let this control you.

You will not let this consume you.

You will not let this scare you and 

You will not let this win.

You will not sit by and be a prisoner of your own mind.

You didn't choose to have this problem, but you do. You know how to handle it, so handle it. Cast out every ounce of negativity and doubt from your mind. Tell yourself that you ARE enough, because you are. You are NOT your disorder. Don't let it define you.

I don't.

~Tea